I ask you, who’d have dogs? Well, I suppose there are more of you reading this with dogs than there are without, so I suppose the answer is most of us and I can’t remember a time in my life when I’ve been without at least one of our four-legged friends. Unfortunately, the companionship of a lovable or useful canine comes at a cost. The animal must eat, it will require veterinary attention from time to time, perhaps some training in its early years and, for some, there will be the additional cost of blankets, beds, coats etc. to make the pooch as comfortable as possible. There are, however, costs that cannot be budgeted for in the normal scheme of things and here’s what happened just recently to make an unexpected hole in my pocket.
I was working at my desk when the phone rang. When I answered it, a female voice asked if she was speaking to Mr Thew and was I the owner of a golden Labrador. I told her I was he and I did in fact own a yellow Labrador (in fact the brute belongs to the Doting Owner of the Spoilt Pony and that’s where I probably went wrong). She then asked if the dog was with me and, suspecting that she knew something I didn’t, I asked who she was. She explained that she was phoning from New Forest District Council and that a dog, whose chip bore my name as the owner along with my telephone number, was in the custody of the dog warden. I thanked her for the call and said I would go and collect it immediately. Much to my surprise, she insisted that I first have a look around to be sure that our dog wasn’t here which seemed a futile gesture as we’ve only ever owned one yellow Lab and if the dog warden had one with my name and telephone number embedded under its skin then it must surely be mine – what do you think?
Anyway, I did as bidden and whistled and called the animal to no avail, which didn’t surprise me in the slightest. I returned to the phone and confessed to his absence and enquired as to the whereabouts of the dog warden so I could go and retrieve the dog. She went on to explain that she couldn’t reveal that information until I had paid a penalty and my first thoughts were perhaps, I had to sing a song or recite the alphabet backwards but no, she wanted some folding stuff, spondulix, hard-earned dosh, call it what you will. In short, she wanted me to pay the sum of £41.00 for the return of my dog who had unbeknown to me been delivered into the hands of the dog warden by some well-meaning person.
I duly coughed up the electronic ‘readies’ and the secret location was revealed – in the dog wardens van in the car park of Appletree Court at Lyndhurst. Off I went in the Land Rover to retrieve the stupid mutt and was surprised to find not one but two dog wardens awaiting my arrival with a woeful Labrador staring out from behind the bars in the back of their van. I asked them where he had been found and their response was vague, suggesting somewhere on the main road to Burley which I knew was a load on nonsense because if he could’ve reached the main road from our house in the time I’d computed in my head then he should be charging around the Poole greyhound track as a sure winner and not waste his time picking up dead pheasants in the shooting field.
I’ve no idea how he got to the main road and can only assume that he was taken there by someone with good intentions, but I can say that I was very pleased to have him back, safe and sound.
Must go now, I’m dog tired!
Ian Thew
Leave a comment